Text 5 to 99888 for me. Just once is enough!!

I’ll start with mike and at the beginning cause that’s really where it all started.

December fourth 2010 we went to NYC together thinking it would be a fun trip for two friends. It was an okay day, and after doing so many fun things and him holding my hand to make sure we didn’t get separated I kinda started liking him and gave up cause I knew I couldn’t be with him. Anyway the rest of the semester passed and I concentrated on my work and tried to avoid going out with friends except for dinner time when our group of friends would get together to eat. When we got back from Christmas break we were all sitting in Rose’s room waiting for everyone to get back. When mike got back he couldn’t stay for long but he asked me to walk with him down the hall. He started talking about the trip together and how he “knew I was the one he would marry in the future.” I of course liking him at the time said I liked him too. He asked me to join him for dinner later to talk. When I got back to roses room her roommate who also was a friend in our group and an ex of his knew something was up and pulled me aside to talk. She warned me about him and his games but I didn’t believe her. When mike and I got together later he told me he broke up with his girlfriend the night when we got back from our trip cause he wanted to be with me. We ended up not starting to date until my birthday and even then no one was to know cause he wanted to make sure Ashley, the ex, wasn’t gonna go Into her fit mode.
There was a night when we all went to our favorite coffee shop we started going to every Friday night. It was the night that a really cool band was playing and we didnt get home till one in the morning. I was gonna stay in Rosé and Ashley’s room but mike almost forcefully made me to go down to his room and stay with him. Nothing really happened that night. I felt really uncomfortable cause I had never shared a bed with a guy before. I didn’t sleep well and cried silently as to not have him know. I tried to tell him I wasn’t comfortable sharing a bed with him but he kept telling me it would be fine. The next morning I woke up early and snuck back into roses room so they wouldn’t know I was not in the room all night but to my surprise they were up and Ashley figured out where I had been. She threw a fit and almost had a panic attack because of it.
Spring break was rolling around and mike had no where to stay. Mom and dad, having already met him, agreed to let him come stay with us. That is when things started turning bad. We went to the park, the one up the hill from the house. I was going down the slide and he was awkwardly waiting for me at the bottom. He then laid on top of me and started kissing me. It was okay at first just because we had kissed before but then he unbuttoned my pants and started touching me and I kicked him away and told him to stop and he wouldn’t listen. He just came back and continued. It went on for twenty minutes with me fighting him before someone else brought their child to the park. I told him I didn’t want him to do that and he said that I was going to have to learn to get used to the idea of anything and everything sexual. I yelled at him and pushed him and even punched him and cried trying to get the point across that I felt strongly about sex before marriage and him touching me. I avoided him the last three days we were home. When we got back to school he apologized and said he would stop but that was a lie cause it continued happening. He slowly started doing other things to me. Everything I am comfortable doing with you was everything he forced me to do. He would yell at me for not “pleasing” him too. He forced me to touch him and when the school year was over I didn’t care what he did to me anymore cause I started feeling like a worthless piece of shit (I am only saying that word cause its the only word that is strong enough to describe how I felt.).
Summer brought fights constantly. I was always doing something wrong. Not putting enough into the relationship. When I got the job at long johns he expected me to take time off work to travel up to New York City to see him. He visited me once and it wasn’t very fun cause we spent the entire timing fighting over the fact that i was working and he wanted me to move in to an apartment in lock haven and have me pay all the rent and bills cause he had to go to school. When he went back to school I visited him twice. Cassi took me up once and I stayed for three days cause work wasn’t giving me hours anymore. I told mom I was staying with my friend Jess cause that was what I was planning to do. But he again made me stay with him. I spent a lot of time with my friends cause I wasn’t just there for them. He got angry about it and we had more fights. At night he would try to convince me to have sex with him by touching me and telling me that someday we would get married and have sex anyway so i should just start now. He would get so close to me and I would fight him and cry and be wouldn’t stop. He didn’t and wouldn’t stop. It happened all three nights I was there.
The next visit Sean drove me up. It was beginning of December and Kat came with. It was just a day trip this time. We left at ten in the morning and they dropped me off at the dorms and they went to Williamsport till about five when we were all going to go out for supper. Between the time I got there and the time Sean and Kat returned all he wanted was to have sex which i still wasn’t going to give in to. He undressed me and himself and touched me and continued to try to convince me I would regret not having sex. December passed with more fights and more trying to convince me over the phone. Christmas Day we got into a fight cause we couldn’t spend it together.
That’s when I met you and the day we met and the day between that and the day you took me to dinner and the movie him and i fought over the phone again everyday. He would always have to know what I did every day and every hour and when I told him about wing night he threw a fit.
Then After I broke up with him he kept calling as you were there during a lot of them, and messaging me on Facebook. The worst was the one where he called after I had dinner with you and your grandparents the first time. He started saying crap about my family and promises that our paths would cross again and he would raise hell, he promised to find me no matter how long it took or where i was. He said he would make sure I has sex with him no matter if he had to forcefully do so. He said he would hurt me and anyone who got in his way. His cousin messaged me and his ex that I was friends with called. He posted a bunch of crap on his Facebook wall and people started calling me a slut and a bitch and a bunch of other names. The calls went on and on all through January. He called my friend back in lewistown or messaged them on Facebook saying a bunch of stuff. Like I was cheating on him and tried making it seem like i was the bad guy. He was trying to make me have no friends.
Ya know how my stomach was always hurting and I felt sick. It was cause I stopped eating. I would only eat when you were here. And even then it was only a little bit. I was depressed and terrified.
I would cry myself to sleep at night and wish I didn’t let things to as far as they did. I was warned and I could have stopped him if I tried but I didn’t cause I hated myself. When you would message me at night I had to keep telling myself that I wasn’t dreaming and that you really were there and in my life. It wasn’t cause I was doubting you it was me doubting myself. I was scared of being with you because of him. I was scared of all guys. I didn’t want to be put through all that again. I at first convinced myself that you wouldn’t want to wait to be with me. I didn’t think I would ever be ready to be in a relationship again. I wanted to push you away but you kept proving to me that i was wrong.
I’ll start with mike and at the beginning cause that’s really where it all started.

December fourth 2010 we went to NYC together thinking it would be a fun trip for two friends. It was an okay day, and after doing so many fun things and him holding my hand to make sure we didn’t get separated I kinda started liking him and gave up cause I knew I couldn’t be with him. Anyway the rest of the semester passed and I concentrated on my work and tried to avoid going out with friends except for dinner time when our group of friends would get together to eat. When we got back from Christmas break we were all sitting in Rose’s room waiting for everyone to get back. When mike got back he couldn’t stay for long but he asked me to walk with him down the hall. He started talking about the trip together and how he “knew I was the one he would marry in the future.” I of course liking him at the time said I liked him too. He asked me to join him for dinner later to talk. When I got back to roses room her roommate who also was a friend in our group and an ex of his knew something was up and pulled me aside to talk. She warned me about him and his games but I didn’t believe her. When mike and I got together later he told me he broke up with his girlfriend the night when we got back from our trip cause he wanted to be with me. We ended up not starting to date until my birthday and even then no one was to know cause he wanted to make sure Ashley, the ex, wasn’t gonna go Into her fit mode.
There was a night when we all went to our favorite coffee shop we started going to every Friday night. It was the night that a really cool band was playing and we didnt get home till one in the morning. I was gonna stay in Rosé and Ashley’s room but mike almost forcefully made me to go down to his room and stay with him. Nothing really happened that night. I felt really uncomfortable cause I had never shared a bed with a guy before. I didn’t sleep well and cried silently as to not have him know. I tried to tell him I wasn’t comfortable sharing a bed with him but he kept telling me it would be fine. The next morning I woke up early and snuck back into roses room so they wouldn’t know I was not in the room all night but to my surprise they were up and Ashley figured out where I had been. She threw a fit and almost had a panic attack because of it.
Spring break was rolling around and mike had no where to stay. Mom and dad, having already met him, agreed to let him come stay with us. That is when things started turning bad. We went to the park, the one up the hill from the house. I was going down the slide and he was awkwardly waiting for me at the bottom. He then laid on top of me and started kissing me. It was okay at first just because we had kissed before but then he unbuttoned my pants and started touching me and I kicked him away and told him to stop and he wouldn’t listen. He just came back and continued. It went on for twenty minutes with me fighting him before someone else brought their child to the park. I told him I didn’t want him to do that and he said that I was going to have to learn to get used to the idea of anything and everything sexual. I yelled at him and pushed him and even punched him and cried trying to get the point across that I felt strongly about sex before marriage and him touching me. I avoided him the last three days we were home. When we got back to school he apologized and said he would stop but that was a lie cause it continued happening. He slowly started doing other things to me. Everything I am comfortable doing with you was everything he forced me to do. He would yell at me for not “pleasing” him too. He forced me to touch him and when the school year was over I didn’t care what he did to me anymore cause I started feeling like a worthless piece of shit (I am only saying that word cause its the only word that is strong enough to describe how I felt.).
Summer brought fights constantly. I was always doing something wrong. Not putting enough into the relationship. When I got the job at long johns he expected me to take time off work to travel up to New York City to see him. He visited me once and it wasn’t very fun cause we spent the entire timing fighting over the fact that i was working and he wanted me to move in to an apartment in lock haven and have me pay all the rent and bills cause he had to go to school. When he went back to school I visited him twice. Cassi took me up once and I stayed for three days cause work wasn’t giving me hours anymore. I told mom I was staying with my friend Jess cause that was what I was planning to do. But he again made me stay with him. I spent a lot of time with my friends cause I wasn’t just there for them. He got angry about it and we had more fights. At night he would try to convince me to have sex with him by touching me and telling me that someday we would get married and have sex anyway so i should just start now. He would get so close to me and I would fight him and cry and be wouldn’t stop. He didn’t and wouldn’t stop. It happened all three nights I was there.
The next visit Sean drove me up. It was beginning of December and Kat came with. It was just a day trip this time. We left at ten in the morning and they dropped me off at the dorms and they went to Williamsport till about five when we were all going to go out for supper. Between the time I got there and the time Sean and Kat returned all he wanted was to have sex which i still wasn’t going to give in to. He undressed me and himself and touched me and continued to try to convince me I would regret not having sex. December passed with more fights and more trying to convince me over the phone. Christmas Day we got into a fight cause we couldn’t spend it together.
That’s when I met you and the day we met and the day between that and the day you took me to dinner and the movie him and i fought over the phone again everyday. He would always have to know what I did every day and every hour and when I told him about wing night he threw a fit.
Then After I broke up with him he kept calling as you were there during a lot of them, and messaging me on Facebook. The worst was the one where he called after I had dinner with you and your grandparents the first time. He started saying crap about my family and promises that our paths would cross again and he would raise hell, he promised to find me no matter how long it took or where i was. He said he would make sure I has sex with him no matter if he had to forcefully do so. He said he would hurt me and anyone who got in his way. His cousin messaged me and his ex that I was friends with called. He posted a bunch of crap on his Facebook wall and people started calling me a slut and a bitch and a bunch of other names. The calls went on and on all through January. He called my friend back in lewistown or messaged them on Facebook saying a bunch of stuff. Like I was cheating on him and tried making it seem like i was the bad guy. He was trying to make me have no friends.
Ya know how my stomach was always hurting and I felt sick. It was cause I stopped eating. I would only eat when you were here. And even then it was only a little bit. I was depressed and terrified.
I would cry myself to sleep at night and wish I didn’t let things to as far as they did. I was warned and I could have stopped him if I tried but I didn’t cause I hated myself. When you would message me at night I had to keep telling myself that I wasn’t dreaming and that you really were there and in my life. It wasn’t cause I was doubting you it was me doubting myself. I was scared of being with you because of him. I was scared of all guys. I didn’t want to be put through all that again. I at first convinced myself that you wouldn’t want to wait to be with me. I didn’t think I would ever be ready to be in a relationship again. I wanted to push you away but you kept proving to me that i was wrong.

This was sent to my current boyfriend which is why it uses you a lot. The you is him.
I wish I could know someone went through the same. Some one I could talk to about all this. Someone who knows how it feels to be hurt this bad. Please, if there’s someone out there, message me.

I don’t normally post this kind of stuff about my personal life but the way it was, how it happened, the amazing feeling it gave me, it needs to be shared. He kissed me and I began to kiss his neck. I was laying on top of him. The way he flipped me on my back, with my hair flying every where. Then the way he started kissing my neck. It was perfect. The love we made was beyond words. The rush of the passion we had been losing came back. Tonight will not fade from my mind. I will think about today when I start my New Years resolution. I know the passion I have for him but it doesn’t always seem he feels the same. It’s about time he proves to me that the passion I felt from him today is always gonna be there. Not just the times we make love. I will treat him just like normal but I won’t be as affectionate. I’ll let him be the initiator. Let him want to give me kisses. Let him prove to me that he wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him.

I was invading his privacy. Being a bad girlfriend probably. I was reading the conversation he had with an old almost girlfriend of his. They were talking about the past between them. The crazy things they did. About me. The chances of her becoming our new roommate next year. The only problem with that last one is, what happens if something happens between them. How can I trust that they don’t still have feelings for each other after what I read. Maybe I shouldn’t have read it. I trust him. I love him. I better get over this and not worry. He loves me.  

Anyone have any advice for what I should do?

I had to come back home from visiting my family today and I wasn’t feeling great. I barely touched my food from my boyfriends family reunion lunch and I slept the entire way to Bellefonte. When we arrived home he gently woke me. When we got to the apartment he laid down and cuddled with me and woke me gently when I had to get up for work. He was supportive when I was walking around cause he saw how much it hurt for me to walk. He told me that he was proud of me for still going to work when I was feeling the way I do. He said “that’s my girl” when I said I was gonna push through it. He took over the oven line when he saw how week I felt. He called me babe all through work and keeps making sure I’m okay. And he wonders why I love him.

He gave me a cute little nickname. Cupcake. He calls me cupcake. I think its cute. Especially when he says “Who’s my cute little cupcake” I know it sounds cheesy but I love it so much. I love him bunches and as long as forever I will be his cute little cupcake. 

You think three days of him being away would give me time to relax. Well, it did but I really missed him. He is my best friend, my boyfriend, the one I can confide in, the one I trust. He has helped me through a lot and after going a couple months of not getting to see much of him distance kinda gets to you. He went to Columbus. That’s like a six hour drive from here. Now maybe its weird that I’m enjoying sitting here listening to the sound of his snores but its a reassuring sound to hear because that means he is here again and he is all mine. <3 He told me a story about the trip last night. He had to share the bed with another guy and at some point my boyfriend put his arm around the other guy and he was like “dude” and of course my boy was like “Oh crap you aren’t alethia!” It was funny and cute at the same time. haha I love this boy! <3333

Its different everyday. I’m disappointed at him. He will tell me something and it won’t ever happen. He told me before he left for work that he would be home at four thirty. Its five thirty and he isn’t home. I haven’t gotten a message from him all day. I moved here to be with him and it never seems like he wants to be with me. My friend keeps telling me about how excited he was to get me moved up here with him. He said he was tired of being at the shop all day. But that is almost all he has done since I got here last week. Tonight I will have been here for a week and I feel like crying all the time cause it feels like he doesn’t want me here. I love him and I want to be with him but he is pushing me away. He stopped doing what he did to get me. I hope someday soon he will realize that. 

I am not a person to be found having sex. I believe in waiting till after marriage. I didn’t have sex last night, that wouldn’t be something I would share either, but I didn’t. I have always been afraid of what would happen next. I didn’t know what came after everything we have done. I never went as far as things have gone. He called me kinky after I said something and we ended up showering together. That was a first for me. He could obviously tell I wasn’t relaxed. I wasn’t relaxed, how was I supposed to be. I was nervous, I never had done anything like that. He proceeded to kiss me under the water and said that this was a first for him too. After we got out we went back to our room and we started talking about things that we hadn’t talked about before. Things such as weddings, kids, jobs, and sex. We then went to the kitchen and he made me brownies. This was all at one in the morning. On the way to the kitchen his best friend, our roommate, made a snide remark at us about showering together. We just let it go cause we were both in a good mood. 

Yes I have a boyfriend but that doesn’t mean I’m sleeping with him. Yes I have shared a bed with him many time but that doesn’t mean I was naked. Yes I am moving in with him but that doesn’t mean his respect for my wanting to save sex for marriage has gone.
He hasn’t stopped respecting me and my decisions. Your concern is a bit too late. It was my last boyfriend who didn’t. He is the one who pushed me into things I didn’t want to do. He is the one who only wanted me for my body. He is the one who caused me so much emotional and physical hurt. If you would have cared then then I wouldn’t be afraid of love now. I wouldn’t be afraid of what’s coming next with me and my boyfriend. I wouldn’t have had to make my boyfriend wait three months to call me his girlfriend. Your guidance was needed then but I had to learn the hard way that men don’t always respect women. That some guys only want sex. I had to have some one treat me better to realize how bad things really were.
My boyfriend and I now, we are like butter and jelly. Not everyone thinks they go together but they actually go together quite well. He loves sleeping with me but its because he knows I’m safe and knows that he will be right there for if I wake up in tears or to hold me when I have a bad dream. He loves to watch me sleep and kiss my forehead when I fall asleep. Like the other night while you were on vacation. I spent the night with him. We were watching my soul to keep and I had fallen asleep. He said for the rest of the movie (which was and hour and a half cause I fell asleep after a half hour of it) he said he spent the rest of the movie kissing my forehead and watching me sleep.
I know you see me as your little girl mom but your little girl needs to grow up some time.

Its been six months since he first kissed me. The first kiss held how he felt. It had passion in it. It wasn’t something small that could be forgotten. Its been three months since we started dating and the passion is still there. I don’t get to see him every week like I used to but that is because he got another job so he can start saving for an apartment. But when we do get to see each other the passion is there. Its like a fire burning and although it takes effort to keep it a flame, we both want it really bad so its easy to put the effort and work in to keep it burning. 

I love this guy more then anything or anyone in the world.

Day 1: Your name and his/her name.

My name: Alethia 

His name: Josh

Day 2: Your ages. 

Mine: 20 

His: 22

Day 3: Your locations 

Me: Lewistown 

Him: Bellefonte

Day 4: How did you meet?

This is a complicated story. See he was my sisters high school best friend/crush, so we already knew each other. We never really talked or even acknowledged each others existence in school. This past December (2011) my best friend invited me to Wing Night at JP’s with her and as she said a couple friends. I  didn’t realize he was one of the friends and almost said I didn’t want to join when I saw him in the car. I did end up going and after dinner we ended up going to his grandmothers house and watching kung fu panda. Halfway through everyone but me and him fell asleep and he came up to sit next to the chair I was sitting in and he and I talked.

Day 5: Since when have you been together?

Well officially March 6, 2012 but everyone says it was before because of how we were with each other since January. 

Day 6: What is the most random thing you know about him/her, and vice versa?

Most random thing I know about him, 

He knows I have a fear of thunderstorms 

Day 7: How do you communicate with each other?

Mostly by texting. Every now and again we get a chance to skype or actually call.

 Day 8: Favourite thing you’ve given him/her? 

I won a sock monkey from a claw machine and I gave it to him.

Day 9: Favourite thing she/he has given you? 

His Gir sweater from high school. I cuddle with it when I miss him.

Day 10: Favourite thing about him/her? 

His hugs.

Day 11: Pick one thing you miss (I know there are 19238923842039402394 things) and describe it in detail.

I miss being able to cuddle with him. He is always so warm and I am always so cold. He wraps his arms around me and it warms me up inside and out.

 Day 12: How would you define love? 

Love is that tingling sensation sent through your body by that special someone.

Day 13: What do you think is the hardest thing about distance? 

Not knowing when I am going to see him next and the fear that something is going to happened to him.

Day 14: Describe a moment you had with him/her last time you were together. (If you haven’t met, describe how the perfect moment would be.) 

Last time we were together we ended up going to wal-mart together and he kept coming up behind me and hugging me from behind and he held my hand.

Day 15: Favourite love (LDR or not) song? 

Glass by Thompson Square

Day 16: Favourite love (LDR or not) movie?

Crazy Stupid Love

Day 17: Favourite love (LDR or not) quote? 

A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous. Ingrid Bergmen

Day 18: Post a picture of the two of you together. (If you don’t have one, post a picture of something you can/could relate to.) 

Day 19: I know there’s not one thing, but choose one of your favourite things to hear her/him say. 

I love when he calls me babe or baby. It makes me feel as special as he says I am.

Day 20: Is there something you regret? (Either about the relationship, or something you have done.) 

Sometimes I regret telling him what happened in my last relationship but then I realize if I wouldn’t have told him then we wouldn’t be where we are together today.

Day 21: Give us a little insight (as much as you’re comfortable) on your sex life (either with this person physically, or your general history, or over the phone—whatever you want.) 

I’m saving sex for marriage and he respects that. 

Day 22: Share something cute. (A story, something either of you have done, a song, memory, wish, dream.) 

The first time I was going to meet his parents was a tuesday. Before we went to his parents house we went to the park and he was pushing me on the swing. Even though I am very very clumsy I choose to jump off the swing. Doing so I landed on my face and we both laughed. When we got to his parents house he got a wet paper towel and wiped the dirt off my face. (thankfully his parents weren’t downstairs to see me like that)

Day 23: Do you have a song? Which one is it? (If you don’t, then what is something that always reminds you of him/her.)

We do not have a song but Glass by Thompson Square always reminds me of him. 

 Day 24: Describe him/her physically and emotionally/personality-wise. 

Physically: He has these pretty blue eyes and thick blondish hair. He is a husky guy but is very strong. 

Emotionally-wise: He is so complex. Thats all that really describes him emotionally.

Personality-wise: He looks to be a mean person but he is really just a big teddy bear. Don’t make him mad though I haven’t seen it but I’m told its not pleasent.

Day 25: One thing that he/she does that pisses you off (even if that smile while get you every time). 

He really hasn’t done anything to piss me off.

Day 26: Sweetest thing he/she has done for you. 

He shared ice cream his ice cream with me. Cheesy, I know. 

Day 27: If you had the money/time/connections/whatever to get him/her any gift in the world, what would it be? 

I would get a house near him. Me and him and my best friend and her husband (who is his best friend) all are trying to get an apartment up in bellefonte but are at a financial stand still. So if I had money/time/connections to get any gift it would be a house.

Day 28: If you could have him/her with you physically for the next 5 hours, what would you do? 

We would go for a walk, and go have dinner, and cuddle and talking while “watching” phineas and ferb.

Day 29: When will you see her/him next? 

I don’t know. He was going to come home sunday but I have to work. 

Day 30: Where do you see your future going with him/her?

I see forever with him. He is as close to perfect as perfect can be. He gets along with my family, he gets along with my friends, he loves me for who I am. He is everything I ever looked for in a guy. 

Watching you drive away after a night that was more amazing then all reality. Serious conversations, promises made, and so much more. The world isn’t the same when you leave. Its like a piece of me is missing. The days drag on to the next time I get to see you. I just want this to be right. I hate that I always turn around and watch as your car drives down the street until its out of sight. 
I promise I really do love you. 

I wasn’t happy. I was in a relationship but I wasn’t happy. After it ended I was talking to this guy. He makes me happy. It’s not about sex or anything else. It’s a serious thing. We talked for two months and I don’t know at what point it was during those two months but he told me he was ready for us to be together. But I wasn’t. He waited. And he waited. And he waited. He waited till I was ready. He took me to his parents place for dinner. He came here for dinner with my family. He took me to dance practice. He spent time with me and made sure I knew he cared. Last night he came for dinner with my parents and my little brother and sister and my older sister and her boyfriend. Afterwards we went for a walk. It was ten thirty at night. As we walked we talked. We got down the block from my house and we stopped. He looked at me and I looked at him. We hugged and in the middle of the hug I said to him “you said whenever I was ready…” I didn’t finish my sentence when he said “so does this mean you’ll be my girlfriend??” I look at him in the eyes and said yes. He then proceeded to pull me close and kiss me. So after two months of him waiting for me to be ready I am now his official girlfriend and he is now my official boyfriend. He has told me many times today that he is happy about last night and honestly I am too. It feels like the puzzle is complete now. I want this to be right. I will do everything I can to keep this right.

It’s not once upon my life today. Today it’s HE IS MY ONCE UPON A TIME.